Heavy (A Poem By Me)

Heavy

It’s been said that in writing your state of being shouldn’t be revealed but described. That’s why I’ve decided  to expose every detail of this hell. No jail for prison would be more inviting than watching one more person be killed. When the war is in your front yard your back and your heart. When you don’t know how to operate within a system that was constructed to see you deconstruct. When you’ve done everything “right.” From not kissing that boy because kissing made babies. To getting good grades at school while steadily being on the road to a college education just so those around you would pat you on your head and say well done. Only to look up and find yourself still running in circles but the only other option which hurts you is to sit politely in a corner waiting for the world to say it’s your turn while knowing that well behaved women never make history. Man it burns to yearn for a reparation that cannot repair anything. Can your solace  bring my grandmother back? She left my mother to face a world that did not understand her only to make her feel that she was wrong for dreaming of more. I implore someone to tell me. For I too have a dream or had. See how can you reap life when it has not been sewed into you? How do you win when there was no one to teach you how to beat the odds? How do you stay alive since we’re all just trying to avoid dying? My mother said you’re a millennial and I’m a survivor. Well I’d like to see before we part that our hearts see what it’s like to be actualized. To be validated. To be valuable. No longer does the woman have to be the mule of the earth. I want to know my worth! For now can you see what’s coursing through me. The dread the prevents my sleep. The deaths that should bring me to my knees but instead keep me on my feet for fear that if I don’t stand I will fall for anything. Is it now clear? Does the description seem petty or is now obvious that my heart is heavy?

Thanks for stopping by and let’s talk again soon.

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