Lost Scattered and Confused

Today I was scrolling through my Facebook browser and I noticed that one of my friends is newly engaged. I wondered to myself: “What is it about someone else’s life events that make you question your own?” I feel obligated here to insert that I was happy for her. Even though that’s true I wonder why I feel obligated to say it? I started to look at my own life. I’ll be thirty in December, I don’t have a job, no kids, and I’ve never been married. The part that sticks out like a sore thumb is that I am almost thirty and I am unemployed. I never knew that so much of my value is tied up into what I do for a living. I feel lost scattered and confused and I have no idea how to get out of the feeling. I decided to bring it here. I know that I’m not the only person that’s going through this experience. I am hoping that if any of you have experience with what it takes to come back from the depths of unemployment and the affects of unemployment like depression, weight gain, and low self-esteem could lend a helpful tip. I’d appreciate it. Thanks for stopping by and let’s talk again soon.



1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. mckenziekubitz
    Jun 29, 2016 @ 16:34:38

    When I left New York (Sept. ’13), my life was falling apart. I realized that everything I thought I wanted and worked my entire life for wasn’t actually what I was looking for. I had no idea what I was looking for. Guess what? I still don’t. Cut to, Christmas Day 2013. I hit rock bottom. Emotionally, spiritually, I hit my breaking point. I was self destructive in every aspect of my life. I was gaining weight, binge drinking, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS galore, and I was also getting fired and/or let go from every job I was attempting. I didn’t get it. The job I’ve had now for 2 1/2 years has changed my life. I started at the most entry level position working for not much more than minimum wage and over the course of 2 1/2 years I’ve worked my way into upper management and a salary. What changed? My mind set, I suppose. After accepting my entry level position, I was grateful. The hours sometimes sucked, the pay wasn’t great but I was grateful; I was grateful to have somewhere to go 40 hours a week, I was great to have what little money I did have, and I was grateful for the chance to do something brand new that I had never done before. I realized through my first year at the hotel, I had a bad attitude. I felt like a victim; a victim of circumstance. I did some work on me. I asked the difficult questions. I cried. I was angry. I reached out and connected. Once I started reaching out for love and connection, everything changed. Oct. ’13 I hit my heaviest weight and I vowed to not gain another pound. I started holding myself accountable for the food choices I made and I stopped hating myself for getting to that point. Something I STILL struggle with is emotional eating; I have to make the conscious choice everyday to not hurt myself with food. I also have to actively choose other ways to comfort myself and reward myself. I’ve gained about 20 pounds of the also 70 I lost back. It has only been recently that I’ve realized I’m turning to food when I’m stressed and I have to go back to the basics. I have to go back to loving myself. I have to go back to mindfulness. See, I was under the assumption if I laid the foundation, everything else would fall into place and I could stop doing the work. Well….it doesn’t quite work like that. I still have to do the work. I’m never going to have to stop doing the work. I have to stop beating myself up. YOU have to stop beating yourself up. There is nothing wrong with you. My advice would be to do something. Weather its working in an office for 32-40 hours a week, working at a bank…etc. Just take the not perfect job. The not perfect job will provide an income and getting up everyday and having to hold yourself accountable to someone other than yourself does WONDERS. You never know who you might meet and what doors may open. Take it one step at a time. Focus on the most important things first. I hope this helps. I understand how you’re feeling and I hope you find comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. I believe in you.


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